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The truth about unwanted arousal | Emily Nagoski

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Sex educator Emily Nagoski breaks down one of the most dangerous myths about sex and introduces us to the science behind arousal nonconcordance: when there's a disconnect between physical response and the experience of pleasure and desire. Talking about such intimate, private moments can feel awkward or difficult, yet in this straightforward talk Nagoski urges all of us to share this crucial information with someone — judges, lawyers, partners, kids. "With every brave conversation we have, we make the world that little bit better," says Nagoski. (This talk contains mature content.)

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53 Comments on The truth about unwanted arousal | Emily Nagoski

  1. Cole Panacci // 4th June 2018 at 3:32 pm // Reply

    Perfect excuse for next time I get a stiffy on the job, thanks Ted great science.

  2. ilike Birds // 4th June 2018 at 3:33 pm // Reply

    I just saw the thumbnail and i can tell this’ll be good

  3. This was just as essential as it was inspiring.

  4. Ben Hulbert // 4th June 2018 at 3:46 pm // Reply

    What a great talk 🙂

  5. James Jumper // 4th June 2018 at 3:46 pm // Reply

    This video is going to be stiff competition for TED’s best of the year.

    Or at least wet the appetite for more similar content.

  6. Brilliant talk, don’t hate unless you watch it.

  7. Tulika Chandra // 4th June 2018 at 3:49 pm // Reply

    Wow. That was beautiful. Thank you for this amazing talk.

  8. Wow ..that’s called Amazing means Amazing ..TEDx ever..✌

  9. i don t know why so many disliked the speach, it was good. I digged up a bit of info, yes, she is a feminist but imo a “good” one or a good representation. She uses many good facts, she got a phd (not nesessarry an good indicator) and whenever she argues it is based on “good” arguments and facts.

    • annonym surfer // 4th June 2018 at 5:10 pm // Reply

      Damien South why don’t you include the false rape accusations too?

    • Damien South // 4th June 2018 at 5:38 pm // Reply

      annonym surfer because the FBI database has no information on false accusations only convictions. If I added false accusations her facts would be even further off. She’s pulling her stats from a POLL done by the CDC that included “any contact you regret” which reported 1 in 5 women, she’s stating 1 in 3. She’s stretching stats that are already horribly off.

    • annonym surfer // 4th June 2018 at 5:41 pm // Reply

      Damien South my point exactly.

    • Damien South, she’s obviously not talking about criminal statistics. That friend of hers, whose boyfriend though she wants it because she was wet, do you think she’s in FBI’s numbers?

    • This talk was technically very good and had a lot of interesting and solid information. I don’t care for her other views and I could not be bothered to research her just to find something to dislike.
      It’s time for society to grow up and realize that even a terrible person can say true and good things. (Not implying that she is)

  10. Awesome talk! I don’t have enough words to express my appreciation. It covers some things that we all need to know and understand. Thank you so much for this superb talk, looking forward for more such videos.

  11. Pawan Kumar // 4th June 2018 at 4:05 pm // Reply

    In 2018, people find it odd to listen/ see such a talk on an important human activity. Imagine 2081 and such a talk would be delivered by a school kid perhaps. Society moves on, willy-nilly. Hats off to the speaker – a compassionate and strong lady.

  12. Alexander Graham // 4th June 2018 at 4:09 pm // Reply

    “Nobody cares” “She looks like a man” “She looks like a ‘feminazi'”

    Anybody have any questions about why feminism is necessary?

    • Niko Leemans // 4th June 2018 at 6:07 pm // Reply

      To me, feminism is more like a bunch of angry man-haters hacking away at a pinata that symbolizes masculinity while screeching #METOOO!

    • Feminism is necessary because of folks like you.

    • What does existence of trolls have to do with validity of feminism?

    • writerconsidered // 4th June 2018 at 9:06 pm // Reply

      OK Alex a little perspective. First off you are literally stereotyping trolling masochists. While feminism has been a force for greater good there is an underbelly in current day feminism which is a destructive force. It has become an absolutist ideology. The problem with any ideological/political spectrum is when members of said group fails to disown or disavow the extremest in that group. Feminists have failed miserably in calling out their extreme in group feminists. When that happens people will turn away from the group based on the extremists. And we are seeing that today with modern day feminists. And FYI I think this woman is brilliant.

    • Masked Lumen // 4th June 2018 at 9:35 pm // Reply

      annonym surfer Okay, Go on a video about male sexual violence. That is very important but why down play on issue to uplift another one?

  13. Sea Paulson // 4th June 2018 at 4:13 pm // Reply

    We need more people like this. Communication is the most important key for consent and a good relationship.

  14. Honestly an excellent speech. People in the TED comments seem to be loosing sight of the point of TED Talks, which is to learn about things you wouldn’t learn about otherwise. Do you know the truth about unwanted arousal? If not, you should probably watch the video. That’s literally the reason why TED exists…

    • Zero Sternritter // 4th June 2018 at 4:36 pm // Reply

      VeeTeeF TeD quality has dropped over the years it’s more like they just do it for promotion and publicity

    • Zero Sternritter Then don’t watch videos you’re not interested in? TED has no obligation to anyone as far as their content is concerned. And people are watching these videos, TED’s subscribers are increasing, so clearly these topics interest SOMEONE. Just because many recent TED talks aren’t about topics you’re interested in, or from speakers you want to hear from, doesn’t mean that TED is somehow lower quality.

    • The Horseback Heroine // 4th June 2018 at 11:25 pm // Reply

      Well said VeeTeef – that’s given me confidence for my own upcoming Ted Talk in June:-)

    • The Horseback Heroine
      You’ll knock it out the park!

  15. Matthew Peterson // 4th June 2018 at 4:25 pm // Reply

    The fact that people react negatively to this is disgusting.

    • There is context. People are overreacting, because they suspect her to be pushing an agenda. I think most people are more than happy to accept that arousal and/or biological reactions are not equivalent to consent, but are worried that she is using this to push a very specific agenda on consent.

  16. I went into this expecting some anti-male pro-female SJW BS, which has sadly popped up more than once recently on TED Talk, but I’m honestly positive surprised. This is a person who acknowledges that sexual assault doesn’t just happen to women, who keeps much of her talk carefully neutral to make it clear that this is a message for EVERYBODY: To listen to other people regarding what they want. I applaud her for choosing her words carefully like that, because it means a lot to me that there is someone speaking publicly, that doesn’t just talk about one half of the population as if they’re victims, and the other half as if they’re aggressors.

    I think this speech is worth listening to.

  17. Cookie Chocolatechip // 4th June 2018 at 4:51 pm // Reply

    This video was highly educational. I learned a few interesting facts myself and will for sure spread the knowledge and awareness. Thank you, Emily.

  18. Vikki Ledgard // 4th June 2018 at 5:12 pm // Reply

    I am a survivor. And this lady is fantastic and, now, in my top five heroes. ♥️♥️♥️

  19. Ivory Miller // 4th June 2018 at 5:17 pm // Reply

    Finally! Someone who gives a scientific basis with persuasive appeal. That’s what makes it stick! Thank you so much!

    • Theodoяe Kяap // 4th June 2018 at 5:40 pm // Reply

      That’s not scientific! to be scientific it has to be measured with instrumentations under controlled environment and have the data then compared and analyzed. please stop dragging the science into your politics.

    • Ivory Miller // 4th June 2018 at 6:48 pm // Reply

      Theodoяe Kяap
      Well actually Emily is a scientist and she stated scientific facts and I didn’t say anything about my politics.

    • Matt Brooks // 4th June 2018 at 9:05 pm // Reply

      Shouldn’t EVERYONE drag science into their politics? It’s the other way around that’s bad.

  20. Excellent

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