The messy truth about grief | Nora McInerny

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A clip from Nora McInerny's TED Talk "We don't 'move on' from grief. We move forward with it" from TEDWomen 2018

In a talk that's by turns heartbreaking and hilarious, writer and podcaster Nora McInerny shares her hard-earned wisdom about life and death. Her candid approach to something that will, let's face it, affect us all, is as liberating as it is gut-wrenching. Most powerfully, she encourages us to shift how we approach grief. "A grieving person is going to laugh again and smile again," she says. "They're going to move forward. But that doesn't mean that they've moved on."

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16 Comments on The messy truth about grief | Nora McInerny

  1. “I have not moved on from […]. I moved forward with […]”

    I could not agree more. I read an article somewhere that says when we lose someone dearly close to us, we never really move on, we move forward with them. Moving on also means leaving them, and that’s not what we do when we truly love and care about someone that we lost — we grieve for an indefinite time and then gradually move forward with them; with their memories and their love. That’s also what I learned when I lost my grandfather in 2019, he stood as my father figure throughout my life, so, it’s really hard to imagine my life without him in it. I am still grieving but is also doing my best to move forward and grow with the pain.

    To those who are still grieving, you are entitled to take as much time as you need to heal; it gets better 🙂

  2. I don’t think grief ever truly goes away. We just learn to better integrate its solidity and reality into our lives; but I love what you said about moving forward, not moving on and how the loss of our person becomes part of us, even the people we meet after they are gone … death is the toughest form of grief, and I have lost people to cancer and suicide; but I have also experienced a type of grief from lost relationships and losing my child to adoption. All are still so palpable. I lost my mom 4 years ago, and even though it’s been a while, Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I will sit up and feel my chest tightening and feel so empty because she is gone.

  3. It’s already been said but well said when you lose someone you love you never leave them behind they are always in your heart even if you have allowed another in.

  4. Wow! This is powerful! I have been a widow for 32 years and I feel tremendous guilt at the thought of remarriage. I’m 67 years old now so I really doubt I’ll remarry. But thank you for putting things in the proper perspective.

  5. I’ve always hated the feeling of moving on….i feel it’s not fair to forget those we love….thank you for this.

  6. When my aunt died of a brain hemorrhage, I was sad but also relieved because she s a gossip and caused trouble in the family. Such is mixed greif.

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