Visit to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more.
Parents, take a deep breath: how your kids turn out isn't fully on you. Of course, parenting plays an important role in shaping who children become, but psychologist Yuko Munakata offers an alternative, research-backed reality that highlights how it's just one of many factors that influence the chaotic complexity of childhood development. A rethink for anyone wondering what made them who they are today and what it means to be a good parent.
The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design — plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You're welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know.
Become a TED Member:
Follow TED on Twitter:
Like TED on Facebook:
Subscribe to our channel:
TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution–Non Commercial–No Derivatives (or the CC BY – NC – ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy ( ). For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at
1
This message is for loving parents that don’t abuse children. Abusers can shape a child’s life.
Exactly!
Great
Yes. Her view of “parenting” is extremely and unhelpfully narrow
facts. the speech is kind of based a privileged and flowery perspective of growing up and she is not even aware of that because she doesn’t mention it once
.
*There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one.* ~Sue Atkins
Just be there and help them
Yep! Just show up! Listen, watch their sports, give em hugs. Just “show up”!
And stop being a moralizing do-gooder nitwit who thinks any bad acts from a child is due to bad parenting, and giving yourself credit for all the good things your kids do. We are INDIVIDUALS, people. We are not a COLLECTIVE, we are not cogs for others to achieve their preferences.
The famous triplets who, in recent times, found one another after decades believing they were single births learned that they were deliberately separated in order for science to research the Nature vs Nurture theory. It was determined that it’s nurturing that matters most in child development
I could believe that. Once saw a doccie _What Darwin never knew or something. One of the things I learned is that even if something is inherent in your genes, often it has to be triggered by your environment to come into play
Screw abusive parents.
Don’t do that!
That’s exactly how I got my kid and my crazy X.
Some people just shouldn’t have kids
this lady is one of them
This completely ignores the expansive research on how parents do indeed shape their children. ACEs, or adverse childhood experiences (like emotional neglect, an imprisoned parent, an emotionally or physically ill parent, critical or overbearing parent, switching schools, community violence, hunger…almost all of us have ACEs and thus trauma) lead to major dysfunctions in neurological, physical, physiological, mental, emotional etc developments that carry on into adulthood. They lead to early death through chronic disease, low achievement and thus low wages and living and working conditions and likelihood of living in polluted areas, depression and anxiety and other disorders which also in turn cause physical disease…I could write a book. Our parents can shape how we think, live, our views of ourselves and our views of others and thus the world, what we achieve…not to say that we can’t grow, learn better, change, heal…but to say that no matter who parents a child, they will be the same person is so idiotic and absurd and anti-science, I really can’t believe it’s posted here
Welcome to Ted.
I think she’s a person living in a fair bit of grief, and this idea’s got her filled with hope, despite how flawed it is. Desperation in the face of a close loved one’s impending doom can make us believe stupid things.
Couldn’t agree more!
@InMaTeofDeath … lol!! I really started questioning their content last yr. So it’s just that to me…”it’s just Ted talk” not necessarily reality.
I cannot believe people don’t know how bicycles work. Then again I have used them for many years. Oh and something about parenting.
Idk…I really feel like parents do play a major part on how their children turn out
Studies 3 years,
Studies 4 more for PhD
Spends years studying problem
Form hypothesis, gather evidence
Test hypothesis, form conclusion
Report conclusions, clear peer reviews
Peer reviewed, makes talk
Intenett: “nop”
@Thor modern science is always evolving. Many theories, even by famous scientists are proven wrong or incomplete everyday.
I hope she and her kid find happiness.
This doesn’t seem like a scientific presentation… more an odd collection of assumptions based on flimsy evidence for about 9 minutes or so… followed by a brief period of sanity during which she almost seemed a tad impartial — which was refreshing, but no more enlightening, since the stated evidence didn’t support her conclusions — and finished off with what seemed to be some wallowing in her fiercely personal need to share her mingled grief and hope with others.
Gets people talking, I guess. Worst presentation I’ve ever seen on TED though, by a massive margin.
Finally a negative comment that has deconstructive value. Not sure though, if I would call a meta-analysis flimsy.
Extremely important subject. Genes or environment? Which shapes us the most? As always, more research is needed. Appreciate the talk.
Let’s get real: if you raise your kid in the wrong environment, surrounded by bad influences, that is on you. You can’t control who they admire, but you can improve the mix of people they interact with. If your school district is bad, that was your choice. If you don’t enrich their lives, you are not helping them. You can always improve the environment in which they grow. The rest is up to them.
Parents matter, but they don´t make a difference.
It has been found that infants brought up in a family where one parent is “loving” but the other is “hostile” towards the child causes maldevelopment of the parts of the brain that govern anger. As adults such children often have “anger management” problems …they can suddenly switch from a calm demeanour to extreme anger.. Psychiatrists who really “know the score” speak of the influence of the “significant other” in the person’s childhood. Other types of parental behaviour cause depression in adult life. The worst thing a mother can do to a toddler when out and about is to threaten to leave it …the infant can experience a profound panic … that can lead to schizophrenia in adult life.
Some of the points made in this presentation felt incredibly vague and the result of that can send a very bad message.
So basically, according to her, one shall give birth and let them loose because it’s already pre-determined by genetics how child is going to turn out.
If they do not have any influence, I wonder what parenting is all about then ?
If two children are turning out different from each other, it’s highly possibly one is influenced by mother and another by father. Using this to say, it’s all genetics and environment and none parenting is absurd.
Dear God, thank you for this new day, for allowing us to see it, for our families, loved ones and friends..
Awesome God, i pray you boost our immune system & keep us away from the Covid 19 virus.. heal all sick, Bless us with good health & help us improve our financial status. Amen!
“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. … But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” I’m not even religious and I know this.